Did you build adult friendships in the last few years?

If you did, then great on you!

If you didn’t, you aren’t alone (even though it feels that way) since only about half of us made a friend in the past 12 months.

Twenty-two percent of us haven’t made a single friend in the past five years.

How many friends do you have?

Why Making Friends Is Hard 

So why is it so hard to make friends?

Well, research has shown there are several reasons.

What Americans Say

A previous study considered why friendships were hard to come by. It found five main reasons for this phenomenon.

Just over 40% of Americans chalk it up to shyness. Thirty-three percent believe it’s unattractive to go to bars to find friends, or they feel that friendship groups were already established.

Almost 30% of us believe that spending time with family makes it challenging to make friends while 28% of us believe that our hobbies aren’t an opportunity for making friends.

All of these reasons come back to your thoughts and beliefs. You believe there is something about yourself, other people, or the world that stops you from forming friendships.

Social Fear and the Brain

Many of these reasons come back to rejection. Approaching people can be scary and triggers a part of your brain, called the amygdala, to respond in a fight, flight, or freeze manner.

You want your brain to fight for relationships, but most times, we activate the flight-or-freeze response. You can’t succeed if you don’t try to make friends, so you aren’t even giving yourself a chance to fail, succeed, or face rejection.

Your brain already anticipates a negative response, and that won’t get you anywhere.

Overcome Your Fears

Making friends is tough. If you have a fear of rejection, failure, or public speaking, then it’s even more challenging to build friendships.

Don’t let fear stop you from socialization. We can help you to Win the Game of Fear with our mind-altering training. It’s an opportunity you don’t want to miss!

Why Relationships Matter 

Everyone knows that social connections are necessary for life, but the real reasons why seem more obscure. Let’s consider what happens in the brain when you don’t have friends and when you do.

Not Having Friends Is Bad for Your Mind and Body

If you don’t have social connections, you can damage your overall physical, emotional, and mental health.

Loneliness and poor socialization are as bad as smoking, being an alcoholic, and being overweight. Some studies found it causes more issues than not exercising frequently.

The brain’s social networks shrink when you don’t build friendships. It also reduces your sense of empathy and can trigger depression.

Your emotions can also be all over the place because you are uncertain of how to act in social settings.

The Social Brain

Neuroscience over the years has shown that a part of the brain, specifically the orbitofrontal cortex (an area at the front of the brain behind the eyes), is responsible for socialization.

It’s the reason why this area is called the social brain.

Prior research indicates that the social brain in individuals with large friendship circles (not those on Facebook) is larger than those with a small group of friends.

Scientists speculate that the larger social brain occurs when a person has more friends because they have to remember more social interactions and appropriate behavior.

Additionally, it allows you to have more empathy since you envision the emotions and thoughts of other people.

Nature or Nurture

The size differences of the social brain beg the question: Does its size depend on nature or nurture? Are you born with a large social brain, or is it created over time?

There’s no argument that the orbital prefrontal cortex is the powerhouse for social interactions, but scientists aren’t clear about whether the social brain is a certain size by default.

What is known about the brain is that it can change. Knowing that is the case can result in a reasonable assumption that the social brain can change too. It’s possible for you to enhance your social brain if you are willing to try.

A Different Perspective

We all know why relationships matter, yet we still don’t work on them because we are scared of getting hurt.

What if you could get an entirely different perspective on how you think about friendships and fear?

It’s possible if you attend the Winning the Game of Fear training. Reserve your space today and start living life without reservations.

Building Adult Friendships Isn’t Easy

Let’s be honest: It’s not easy to make friends as an adult.

It’s like all your social skills from childhood, school, and college goes out the window. It may seem the only social connections you have are with work colleagues, and for some people, that doesn’t count as official friends at all.

Even if you find building and maintaining friendships difficult, it isn’t something unattainable.

It’s possible to train your brain to be better. Doing so allows you to be more confident, gives you the ability to talk to strangers, and assures you that you can do things that scare you.

How to Make Friends as an Adult

It’s time for all of us to make some more friends—your social brain wants it! Here are some strategies you can use to make the process easier.

Change Your Assumptions

Most of us have some kind of insecurity: You may believe people find you strange, charismatic, or too talkative. It leads to limiting beliefs and negative thoughts that other people may not like you.

Those are your assumptions. They don’t reflect the opinions and perspectives of the people around you at all.

Change your assumptions and believe in yourself. You are an amazing person with a unique personality.

Let your true self shine, and others will be drawn to you naturally. Be bold and believe that others will like you.

Do Something Small

Running up to the first person you say and saying, “Will you be my friend?” can be daunting, but you don’t have to go these extremes just yet. Start by doing small things that boost your confidence.

Smile at a stranger as you walk past them, say hello to someone who you see in the gym frequently, and wave to the driver next to you at the traffic light.

These are small gestures, but they can make all the difference. When someone returns your smile, hello, or wave, it’s recognition for your efforts. Not everyone will respond, but that’s a reflection of them—not you.

Initiate Interactions

Friends aren’t going to show up at your door. You have to take action and invite them to spend time with you.

Figure out a plan to meet other people. It could be to reach out to your current social media friends and ask who would like to go for a drink. Ask the familiar face at the gym or store whether they want to get a coffee.

Introduce yourself to colleagues, people on the bus, or at your kid’s school. All of these are opportunities to build a foundation for friendships.

Show Up Consistently

Friendships require consistent effort. Say hello consistently, show up when you commit to events, and ask friends if they want to go out.

Someone could say they can’t attend or don’t return your effort, but that’s okay. Life happens, and we have to give each other space when necessary.

Be Vulnerable

Sometimes, our insecurities can bring us closer to other people.

A friend who you thought might not be that close could have an experience similar to yours, and that brings you closer together.

Being open, raw, and honest makes you vulnerable, but that is when your strength will shine through. It’s the point when other people can support you; in turn, you can be there for them when they need you.

Attend Events

Going to social gatherings is the ideal opportunity to meet new people or strengthen bonds with existing acquaintances.

Attend events that friends invite you to or get outside your comfort zone by going to community activities like markets, movie nights, or charity drives.

Find Friends Through Shared Hobbies

Hobbies are a great way to forge connections with other people. Reading, cycling, or gardening are all things you already have in common with many other people, so it’s an easy point of discussion.

Start a new hobby or use your existing ones to make friends. If you love reading, join a book club. If you like cycling, attend community rides. If you are passionate about animals, then volunteer at an animal shelter.

There are so many ways to use commonalities to make friends if you are willing to take a chance.

Train Your Brain

All of these strategies for making friends only work if you change your thinking.

You have to allow your brain to break down old neural networks that prevent you from building friendships. Simultaneously, you have to construct new networks that improve your confidence.

Learn how to do all this and much more at the Winning the Game of Fear training.