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Do you have a healthy relationship?
It’s okay to be honest.
Sometimes, we need to admit that the relationship could be better. Even if everything is going well, you might be looking to take your relationship to the next level.
Every relationship has routines that help you get through the day together. Over time, some of these routines become rituals that help you navigate life.
It’s the little things like celebrating special days and saying, “I love you” before going to work that make a lasting relationship.
Doing this can be confusing at the beginning of a relationship. Even halfway through or many years later, you might find yourself questioning what is going on.
It’s alright. There’s always room for improvement, and that’s what this is all about. It’s about having a thriving relationship at every stage by doing the little things.
The idea of committing can be scary, but it doesn’t have to be.
Meeting someone for the first time is exhilarating!
It’s a new beginning filled with anticipation and hope for the future.
Soon, you find yourself dating exclusively, and your relationship starts to blossom.
When you first get to know each other, you are still individuals. Each one has their own personality (which is necessary and good—you don’t want to lose that), but you start searching for similarities.
You do things together and go on dates frequently. Along the way, you figure out how to get along, a natural process, and soon realize that you no longer identify as separate entities but have started to form a collective “we.”
Those first few weeks and months of any new relationship are a time for bonding. It’s what you have to focus on, and you do this by sharing your life with someone else.
Focus on going for drinks, having lunch together, and calling each other daily—even if you can’t see each other physically.
Find out about each other’s likes and dislikes. Discuss your hobbies, pets, career, and future ambitions.
While you do this, continuously look for similarities and how you can turn them into a bonding experience. Even if there are differences, give each other the time of day to show why you like something specific because that’s how you learn about yourself and your partner.
Relationships are the ultimate test of sharing. You share yourself with another person, you lay your weaknesses bare to them, and you rejoice together in the good times.
In the forming period, bond by creating shared memories.
Make a meal together, find your favorite restaurant, and schedule date nights in advance. Meet each other’s friends and families and find out why they love your partner as much as you do.
As you get to know each other, come up with ways to form new memories and create things that are shared property. It could be a playlist that you come up with together, a painting you make at an art class, or planning your first vacation together.
When you first start going out with someone—even if you’ve been seeing each other for several months—it can be difficult to navigate life.
The beginning of any relationship is scary. You have to be vulnerable—show each other the ugly parts along with the good ones while dating.
It can be challenging to commit to someone to this extent.
Don’t allow fear to rule your relationship. It can be something beautiful, so having little worries break it up is unnecessary.
Learn how to overcome your relationship fears (and others) during our virtual webinar on Winning the Game of Fear.
As your relationship progresses, you could become engaged and married. Some people choose to commit to each other as lifetime partners without all the legal fuss.
Whichever way you opt to go, your relationship has now gone from creating routines to becoming ritualized. Anniversaries are celebrated, birthdays are special occasions, and you know what makes each other tick.
Now, you need to keep your relationship going strong.
Routines are the foundation of any relationship. It’s how your relationship grew in the first place because you were creating shared memories.
Those routines and rituals can become a given, but you might not always feel up to it. If you feel this way, then your partner likely does, too. Normalize changing up these rituals intentionally to keep the spark alive.
The routine Friday evening date night at your favorite restaurant could be replaced unexpectedly with a cooking class. Buying your partner flowers or chocolates occasionally could change to the occasional back massage or candlelit bath.
If you are uncertain about how to do this, let each person write down a couple of things they would like to do or have done for them on scraps of paper. Place them in a jar and draw a card from it whenever one of you feels like it.
Your relationship can change greatly. You might go from life partners to parents, go through losses together, or celebrate promotions.
Make a plan for how you and your partner will have these roles and still pay attention to the relationship.
It could mean reading a book to your child and then watching your favorite series with your partner. It could be switching off your phone when you come home from work.
Figure out these boundaries for yourself so that the relationship doesn’t get lost in the process.
A romantic relationship is sacred. Together, you have to cherish this sacredness with your partner by writing your love story.
This could look like a date night without any children or phones. It might be creating photo albums together and reminiscing about the times gone by.
Another way to write your love story is to each have a private email address. Send each other love notes, tell each other what you love about them, and write about the memories you love the most.
Moving from one stage of life to another can be tough—just like with any other change.
It’s normal to feel uncertain and scared during these times, but you can’t allow your emotions to rule your life. You need to make a conscious decision to power through in the best way possible.
During Winning the Game of Fear, we teach you how to get the most out of any situation—even if you are worried about the outcome.
When you think of forever, you cannot lose sight of yourself. You have to be the best version of yourself to give your all in a relationship, but this sense of self can get lost if you have been in a relationship for a long time.
You cannot sustain a relationship with anyone forever if you do not know yourself, your needs, and your wants. Yes, you are one part of a pair, so you have to love yourself before you can love anyone else.
Sometimes, relationship health declines over time. You realize that the notion of forever won’t last, and your only option seems to be going it alone for a while.
As you grieve the end of a relationship, you are going to need routines and rituals to find yourself again.
Some of these are a given—returning keys, separating your stuff from your partner’s, and crying over photos.
Other routines and rituals you’ll need to establish afresh. Try calling a different friend each night or going out with them for drinks over the weekend. Clean out your place, change the sheets, and redecorate to suit your tastes.
Have a date with yourself so that you can figure out what you like and dislike. Become an individual again.
If you are lucky enough to have a relationship that sticks forever, then you still need to take care of yourself, too. You are still an individual and contribute greatly to the partnership in unique ways.
Discuss, with your partner, how both of you can retain your individuality while cherishing the relationship. Figure out how each of you can be yourself.
It could mean that each of you has a routine outing with friends. One of you might go to the spa once a month with the girls while the other plays golf on Friday with the guys. Spending time apart is good.
Give each other space to practice your hobbies and sports without having any commitment to the other person. Buy yourself a book and spend an hour reading each night or allow your partner the space to meditate in their own sanctuary.
Fear is one of the biggest issues in any relationship—including the relationship you have with yourself.
You need to overcome any fear you have that is holding you back from self-love and interpersonal love. If it’s holding you back in one area of your life, it will spill over to other areas.
Find out how you can get your life back and overcome fear when you attend Winning the Game of Fear. Learn how to live life to the max and take your relationship from strength to strength.
