How to Deal With Insecure People and Their Excuses

Insecure people can be exhausting to deal with. They will put others around them down to make themselves feel better, and they will never take responsibility for themselves. Insecurity is a really toxic trait, one of paranoia and entitlement. In this article, we will look at the excuses people with a lot of insecurities make and how to deal with them, as well as avoid insecure traits in ourselves.

Insecurities boil down to a couple of things. For one, insecure people are resistant to change. They will act like they’ve tried everything, but really they have not tried to push themselves at all because they would rather stay where they are comfortable. Similarly, people with a lot of insecurities need to feel like nothing will work for them because they are so unique. They need to feel special and see themselves as someone who cannot simply be helped with the same advice that has worked for other people. Even if something has been proven to work, someone who is insecure will protest. On top of this, insecure people will turn on support and act like they are actually being threatened by any change.

When it comes to insecure people, there is always an excuse at the ready, and they are always ready to reject help.

What You Need To Know

There’s one really important thing to note when dealing with somebody who has many toxic traits. You cannot change anybody. Changing is a personal process, and nobody can do it for us. We do not have the power to reprogram anybody.

It is a frustrating thing to realize, but when you do accept it, it comes as a relief. We all have somebody toxic in our lives that we have wasted significant amounts of time over. Maybe they are a friend, a family member, a colleague, or a romantic partner. We can see how they have good qualities and try to bring those qualities out while trying to rid them of their negative traits. We feel like maybe we can fix them, and maybe we can change them somehow. If we just keep talking and giving them chances, maybe we will get through to them. Surely we can change them if we try hard enough?

No! You can’t. You cannot change anybody, nor is it your job to. You can support people in helping themselves change and can work with them while they better themselves, but you can’t change them yourself. And really, when you try to change people and their toxic traits, you just get weighed down and feel worse; you become disillusioned and resentful and don’t feel any joy in the relationship.

We’ll look at how you can deal with insecure people in a moment, but it’s really important to establish it’s not your job to change anybody. Changing ourselves takes a lot of effort, and nobody can do it for us. Sometimes people won’t want to make that effort. In those cases, it’s best not to get too invested in those people.

Obviously, sometimes we can’t avoid individuals with toxic traits. We may work with them or see them regularly. But remember that their toxicity and insecurities are not your fault or responsibility, and it is healthier for you if you keep your distance.

Handling Insecure People

So we’ve established that in order for a person to change that, they themselves have to want to, and it’s not your job to do it for them. But how can you deal with an insecure person in your life? It’s a big challenge, but there are ways of managing insecure people.

Dealing with individuals who are highly insecure is really frustrating, but it’s important to have an element of compassion for them. There’s no point obsessing over them or wishing they would change; a big step is to not take their insecurities personally. Their insecurity is their problem, so allow yourself to feel some pity for them rather than getting angry; after all, they have to live with their toxic traits.

From there, it’s about balance. There are times you’ll need to be supportive, and there are times when you’ll need to show some tough love. While some people misinterpret tough love as just an excuse to be mean, it is actually a helpful, constructive technique that benefits us. It’s important to remember the love aspect, meaning tough love revolves around the person’s best interests. You are not just trying to get them to do something you want; you are actually trying to help them. For example, if someone is partaking in behavior that is causing problems in the workplace, it is important that they are reprimanded and informed that their behavior is not acceptable. Tough love is not telling somebody what they want to hear but rather telling somebody what they need to hear and what is good for them.

It’s important to balance out the tough love with being supportive too. This involves reaffirming positive values and praising good behavior. But remember, don’t accept any excuses. Insecure people will often come up with all kinds of excuses for why they cannot do something. Question these excuses and try to help them see reason and that they are just standing in their own way. People often need a push to face things they are afraid of. It is important not to justify the fears of insecure people, which means you shouldn’t comfort them when making excuses.

Insecure people may sometimes need the help of a professional to really overcome their fears. This may involve cognitive behavioral therapy or psychology sessions. If an individual makes the leap to partake in this kind of therapy, be supportive of them and let them know they are doing the right thing. Don’t accept excuses for not going to appointments, and praise them when they are attending. Remind them that the things they learn in therapy should be applied in real-life situations when they can see themselves giving in to their insecurities.

Avoid Acting On Insecure Tendencies

We all have things that make us insecure. It could be something about the way we look (we all have a body part we don’t like!), or it could be insecurity around things like our intelligence or knowledge on a subject. These insecurities can be caused by toxic relationships, things that have happened to us in the past, or just our own overthinking. Maybe someone passed a comment aimed at us, and we have taken it to heart. It’s a natural part of life, and it’s okay to have small insecurities.

But the issue becomes when the insecurities grow out of proportion and start to infiltrate parts of our lives. Being overly insecure can do real damage to our self-image and to our interpersonal relationships.

When we feel insecure, we tend to put ourselves down. We tell ourselves, “I’m not good enough,” and “I can’t do this.” If we start to believe these thoughts, we damage our own self-esteem. We can damage ourselves with limiting beliefs that hold us back and make us not want to push ourselves.

The way we speak to ourselves is really important for how we feel. Using positive words helps us boost our self-confidence and makes us feel like we can do anything. Whenever you get a negative thought that stems from your insecurities, stop yourself and ask yourself, “Where is the proof?” How do you know you are not good enough? Why do you think you can’t do something? Is it really a huge deal if you make a mistake when that’s how you learn?

It’s important that we overcome our insecurities because they can have a negative impact on our relationships. When we feel insecure, we often over-rely on the validation of others. Naturally, relationships involve supporting each other, but it can be exhausting if you constantly have to tell someone they are good enough, especially if they don’t believe it! Being insecure in a romantic relationship can lead to jealousy and getting into a ton of arguments too. It’s important to talk openly about your insecurities with your friends and partner, but it is equally important not to make those insecurities their problem.

Really it is our job to deal with our own insecurities, and while other people can help support us, we have to look at the way we speak to ourselves.

In Summary

Insecure people are really draining and will always have an excuse. With this advice, you can deal with insecure people without taking responsibility for their toxic traits.